Cobourg Update

I have officially managed to survive my first few days working at Lakeshore Camp.  To be honest, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it was going to be.  We have a GREAT team of people which I am excited to get to know better as the weeks go on.

I asked myself today why I was dreading to go so much.  I think it was the thought of leaving my normal day-to-day routine, getting up and working, getting up and doing whatever I wanted for the day, seeing my friends and coming home late, etc.  Living at Cobourg I wasn't able to be as free, and was a little out of my comfort zone.  I really had no idea how it was all going to turn out, which ended in me expecting the worst.

I am rooming with Retica which I am very happy about.  We bought little blow up boats from Zellers and went in them yesterday near flat rock.  I sat in mine the wrong way and huge amounts of water pilled in and within moments Retica's boat capsized lol.  We tied out boats together so we would be safe and ended up making it pretty far.

I am the cashier in the Gables and will also be doing food prep.  I was in charge of making banana bread on the first night and it looked legit when it came out of the oven.  Andrea later was taking it out of the pan and cutting it into slices to prep for the morning when the top of the bread collapsed.  So after that I'm not sure on how many more baking tasks I will be offered.

Cobourg is beautiful.  Waking up to bright sunshine over the water is breath taking.  Yeah sure there are loud obnoxious  trains that keep you up all evening, huge swarms of mosquitoes, and really hot cottages, but when you take a step back you see there are so many more good things about it that weigh everything else out.  Coming home this afternoon was so weird, I was actually a little disappointed.  I'm starting to get used to Lakeshore and the people and the atmosphere.  Pickering and Cobourg aren't that far away, but are totally two completely different worlds.  I feel like Cobourg is so safe, I just have a feeling of safety and happiness when I am there.  I feel so far away from many things and many people - and yes sometimes that does get lonely but in ways it's also nice.

There is something about Cobourg that always puts a smile on my face and a sense of happiness inside of me.  Yeah my job may not be that glamours, but I'm gonna do everything in my power to make the best of my summer job there.

On the way home I heard that Michael Jackson has died.  I am so deeply deeply sad about it and so are my parents.  He is known to so many people and will always be remembered as such a great and huge performer.  I'm still so shocked and sad about this.  It just amazes me to see how much of an impact he has had on so many people... it's incredible.  

word from my professor

English class - every Tuesday & Thursday morning at 10:15am.
It's the same thing every class,
- come in late
- talk to Nicole
- take notes off powerpoint
- go on facebook
- msn
- talk to Nicole
- watch the clock
- finish class & leave with Nicole.

I lose my attention very quickly in this class. It is not because I don't like english class but how he teaches the class which leads me wandering on facebook and msn.
This morning was followed by the same routine, but at one point I really started paying attention to what he was saying and he said this,
"You guys can do whatever you want in the world, but promise one thing - keep peace with God."

I love that.
The world is ours. It's ours for each one of us to discover and make our own, but out of everything in life that we choose to do and within every decision we make it must always come back to God. Wherever life takes us we must never fall away from Him.

In the past of 4 years ago.

"I'm losing you & it's effortless" - The Fray.

These past few days I'm stuck thinking of "the six." How close we were and all that we shared. We are all doing different things, but we always find our way back to one another.

Parts of me just wants to get you outta my head... we're not those people anymore (you & I).
'You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away
You fall away

Something I've done that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
But there's something you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you' - the fray.

* and you.
I feel like I'm losing you and no longer know what to do.
Why do we do this to one another?
Sometimes it's the people you care about the most who you end up hurting the most.

Dear, ________

The other night I heard the news that you were engaged. It was a total shock to me. I tried to be as happy for you as I could let myself. I don't know what it is about you...
All in that moment I thought back to four years ago, when everything started. I had never felt that way before. You knew everything it seemed, and you knew me so well. You knew when to step up and when to step down and let me do it. I loved the way you took charge and how you did things. You were determined. You were protective of me and what people did and said to me, and even in many moments it didn't seem like it but I really did like it. Never once were you afraid to fight for me or stick up for me even if it meant talking to our friends about it on my behalf. You always wanted to fix every problem that I had even though you couldn't. You fought so hard for me. You said some things to me that nobody has ever said to me before. I'll never forget that smile on your face when I was around. Or how I was told your face lit up when someone mentioned my name. How your parents treated me and cared for me. How hard you tried to make sure I was always comfortable in every situation. Even when I was scared you always made sure to make it better. I'll never forget the time you hugged me and spun me around in the air. I'll never forget catching my breath after being with you. And I'll never forget smiling the day after.
I'll never forget many things about you... I just can't.

To know that you're going to be getting married is a scary & upsetting thing to me. I know you are happy, and so am I don't get me wrong, but just something hit me when I heard the news. It was like all of the sudden I was living in the past all over again. It's not like I want to or was even thinking and wishing of being together again, but for a second it felt like I could never have that again. For whatever reason it was like chances were done. I couldn't help myself from thinking, "what if..." and it really started to bother me.

Today you are not that person who you were four years ago. You are not that guy who I wanted to be with. If anything, you are far from that. I catch myself thinking back to you & me, and then ask myself why am I? I can't live in four years ago. I can't keep thinking that you're still that person. I can't keep comparing every guy to you. I can't keep living in the past and in those memories.
We've each had our share of hurt towards each other. We have each grown and changed from the people we are today. We both have very different lives now, and maybe that's for the better.

I will always wish you well. I will always keep your memory with me as a good one. I will always
remember our good times more than our bad ones. I wish you all of the luck and happiness with your new wife. I hope you succeed and do well, and I hope you never live a life of regret. I hope that you hold onto God and what he has for you. I hope you don't lose sight of him. I hope you learn to be faithful to her and to love her. I hope you give her all that she deserves and more. You once told me you wanted to give me the world... and I hope you give her that. Even though I may never be in your life the same way that I once was I do hope that somehow I'll stay in it.

It's just something about you. I just can't forget you.
I couldn't help but thinking if she was me. I couldn't help but think 'this could've been me.'
There is something about your first that you never forget... no matter how hard you try.
I will always remember you.

With love,
Jenna.